The Eve of the Sweet By and By




"You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing, you have taken away my cloth of mourning and clothed me with joy that I might sing praises to you and not be silent O lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."  Psalm 30:11

November 5, 2014.....a day that plays in slow motion so vividly in my mind.  I will never forget sitting beside his hospital bed listening to the The Sweet By and By as my daddy took his last earthly breath. That day rocked me to the core, a day that no matter how much I trusted in the Lord has shaken my confidence and has made me wrestle with the Lord for hours.  I MISS MY DADDY!  

This year brought so many "firsts" without my dad...but I would say my birthday was the hardest.  The hurt was deep...my heart ached to hug, smell and hear the laughter of the man that smiled over me as I took my first breath.  I listened to his messages that I have saved on my phone over and over and wept as I read his birthday card for me from last year, knowing it was my last.  

Yet, a month and a half later after my birthday...I felt my heavenly father so near.  I could hear him singing over me smiling and whispering "it is time." But I wept hearing those words, begging the Lord to let me keep my sack cloths because I was afraid  that I would forget...somehow the weight of grief was comfortable.  But the precious Lord, guided my steps with such intensity...he took my hand and with each step he would say "In the joy is the remembering....the praise of my lips in the life of honoring." One sweet night,  I caught a glimpse of my daddy...he was standing behind my Savior smiling and said.."hey girl....don't weep over me.....there is too much to do...get about HIS business." 

So, here we are several months after I wrestled with the Lord,  on the eve of my daddy's Sweet By and By and I feel my heavenly father so near.  I have listened to this song tonight and wept, missing my dad so much.  But, he was ready to meet Jesus and get into the boat with Him.  He was ready to cross the sea to the Sweet By and By that he told so many of us about in the months earlier.  I read back over my post that I shared a year ago.  It's the tribute that I wrote and read to him at the hospital and also read at his funeral...through the tears tonight it has challenged me to reflect on my roots this past year..

 "Watching my daddy has made me believe that legacy is tangible when our love for Christ, overpower our circumstances.  Honoring the legacy of my daddy is taking the time to really see people and loving them to the cross of Calvary.   Honoring him is glorifying God right where we have been planted and rising up as an oak of righteousness.  Our root are strong, after all, they are connected to this precious man.  May our faith be ever so quiet, and beautifully strong and unwaveringly steady as our roots grow deeper and we seek to stretch out our arms so others may find a place of peace to rest . "

 So tonight...this Sweet By and By eve...I look at tomorrow and I choose celebration.  I choose to celebrate my daddy's first year in heaven, rather than focus on the grief of my first year without him. I want to celebrate my sweet Savior's faithfulness this year, rather than replay the questions of why over and over again.   Like the song lyrics say:

 "The pain will not define us, Joy will reignite us
You're the song Of our hearts
The dark is just a canvas
For Your grace and brightness
You're the song Of our hearts
We're dancing to the rhythm of Your heart
We're rising from the ashes to the stars
You're the joy joy joy lighting my soul
The joy joy joy making me whole
Though I'm broken, I am running
Into Your arms of love.

Comments

  1. Terri McWilliamsNovember 5, 2015 at 3:49 AM

    You are a precious woman to all who know you. I miss my friend and the best father-in-law a man could ever hope for. He was such a positive force is life for the Lord and will continue to echo throughout the lives of those who knew him. He defined what it was to be a man who seeks God's will.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownNovember 5, 2015 at 6:44 AM

    You truly are a precious woman and friend. This is my first time here, and what a comfort it is. Your dad was a beautiful, godly soul who touched our family...especially my husband and son. Your family has continually been an encouragement to us...so the legacy does live on through you.
    The grief of losing my mom is very fresh and real...and her legacy was mostly one I have had to spend a lifetime overcoming. Still, there were some really good parts in the bad. I miss her terribly now, even though she often made me crazy. I am comforted because I really believe she is free and whole now, with a sound mind, in the company of our Lord and her family gone before her.
    I have spent my adult life trying to leave a godly legacy, never having had any real godly role models in my family. Jim and I have clung to God and run from Him; we have worked at it in fits and starts over the years. Its hard to give what you never got! That said, God has been so faithful. I can see the foundation he is laying for a His glory down our family line. I don't often feel like a mighty oak of righteousness, more like a waving willow tree. Still, I know He will finish the good work He has started in me the author and finisher of my faith. I am excited to see what He is doing in my children, thankful He stands in the gap for all my failures. Thank you for sharing what God is doing in your life. You are a blessing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LaurenNovember 11, 2015 at 10:21 AM

    Love your words and your heart, sweet Sis! Thanks for sharing your struggle and your faith as you celebrate his life.

    ReplyDelete

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